The Revenge of the Babysitter?

A Lame One Act

CAST

FEMALE OFFICER Ms. Christopher

FIRST MALE OFFICER Mr. Alexander

SECOND MALE OFFICER Mr. Hopfinger

BABYSITTER Ms. Reddick

MR. SMITH Ms. Cassetori

PANDORA Ms. Fray

ANNOUNCER Ms. Allen

STAGE DIRECTIONS ARE IN ITALICS

SCENE (read by announcer): Outside a typical urban row home, in a typical city neighborhood. This could be anywhere USA .

Three uniformed officers, two male, one female, approach a bright orange door. The woman officer is checking a notepad as she walks up.

FEMALE OFFICER: (nodding her head): Yup, this is the right address. (She knocks)

From inside we see a young male approach the door. He has his headphones on and is bopping as he walks over. He opens it on hearing the knock.

BABYSITTER: Hi

WOMAN OFFICER: Hi, we are from the Sunnyvale Police Department. Sorry to bother you. Are you Mr. Smith?

BABYSITTER: No, I’m not. Mr. Smith is out right now.

WOMAN OFFICER: Are you a family member?

BABYSITTER: Uh no, I am just the babysitter. Mr. Smith let me in a few minutes ago. He went to pick up his daughter Pandora and they will be back in just a few minutes.

FIRST MALE OFFICER: Oh, I see. Well look, maybe you can help us out. We are investigating the report of an abduction of two twin baby pet rocks. These poor, helpless and lovable pet rocks were snatched from their second floor bedroom last night on a street not far from here. Would you mind if we came in and looked around?

SECOND MALE OFFICER: We would appreciate it if we could come in and look around.

BABYSITTER: (opening his arms in a “I have nothing to hide” gesture): Sure, Cmon in, look around.

Officers enter. FEMALE OFFICER goes to the fireplace in the living room. Looks up the fireplace. TWO MALE OFFICERS go stage right and enter the bedroom. They starts looking around.

FEMALE OFFICER: So how about those Yankees, huh? Think they’re gonna win the Series again this year? (She walks over to couch and looks intently at a large silver box.)

BABYSITTER: Well, it depends on whether Moose stays strong. You know he can pull their chestnuts out of the fire only so many times….

FEMALE OFFICER: Uh huh (Opens silver box next to couch. Pulls out a Scott McGregor 1987 Orioles baseball card). Huh …. I wonder what a 1987 Scotty McGregor Orioles baseball card is doing in this box? (Replaces card and puts box down again.)

BABYSITTER: So I guess it’s pretty important to find those poor Kid Rocks pretty soon huh? They gonna die?

FIRST MALE OFFICER: (looking around in the bedroom) Dunno, all depends on a lotta things….. It’s hard to predict the career … I mean lifetime … of a kid rock (Moves over to wooden box near bed. Opens it.) Well well. It’s ok little critters, everything is gonna be alright this morning. (In a loud voice): It’s ok Suzette, we found them. (Picks up box and walks back into living room. All gather round as he opens the box.)

BABYSITTER: They look healthy enough. Cute, huh? Wow. I wonder how they got there.

MR SMITH and PANDORA enter.

PANDORA. Daddy what are the police doing here? In our house? On Columbus Day? Don’t all government workers get Columbus Day off? Isn’t that why Columbus set sail in the first place?

MR. SMITH: I don’t know Pandora. (To police:) Who are you and what do you want?

FIRST MALE OFFICER: I am Sgt. Winnebago and these are my partners Sgt. Wagon and Sgt. Ford. Are you Mr. Smith?

SMITH: Yes I am. And this is my brilliant but overly curious daughter Pandora. What are you doing in my living room?

FEMALE OFFICER: (Pointing to box): Is this your box Mr. Smith? Or is this Pandora’s box?

SMITH: That box belonged to my great uncle Ned. I usually keep it locked. The last time I saw it it was in my bedroom next to my bed. What are you doing with it.?

MALE OFFICER: Well, Mr. Smith, it may interest you to know that we found two young pet rocks in great Uncle Ned’s box. Luckily we got here in time to save them from  a horrible fate (shudders) …. These terrified little critters were abducted just yesterday from a home hear here.

PANDORA: I wonder how they got there? I wonder if the box was locked when they opened it? I wonder how the officers got in?

FEMALE OFFICER: Your babysitter here was kind enough to let us come in and look around.

SMITH: He let you in just because you asked him to?

FEMALE OFFICER: Uh huh.

SMITH: Can you do that?

FEMALE OFFICER: Uh huh

SMITH (shakes his head): Maybe you’re telling the truth. But he has no right to let you go into my bedroom. He’s just the babysitter. He never goes in there.  And I am sure that box was locked…. And I have no idea how those poor, abducted infant pet rocks ended up in great Uncle Ned’s box. I usually just keep my snuff …. I mean stuff  …. in there.... how did those helpless, defenseless critters end up here?  This is so strange…

BABYSITTER (to audience): Personally, I think the Scotty McGregor card is a lot stranger… I mean he only won 20 games one season…

SMITH: I think I want a lawyer

PANDORA: It’s ok dad. I’ll call your lawyer Mr. Throckmorton on my cell phone and we’ll get on this case right away. I know all the right questions to ask.

SMITH: Thanks Pandora.

SECOND MALE OFFICER: Mr. Smith, you are under arrest for the kidnapping of Sam and Dave, who were abducted from the house of Mr. and Mrs. Jones last night on Waverly Way . You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and and will be used against you…….

Three officers start to move toward Mr. Smith, Pandora starts talking on her cell phone; and then all freeze when the announcer starts.

ANNOUNCER: There are many unanswered questions here. Not the least of which is: Did the police have the right to gain entry? Was the babysitter right in letting them come in and look around? Were the officers right in going into Mr. Smith’s bedroom? Were they right in looking into the box? If you read chapter 5, and the constitutional amendments online, you will be informed when, next class, we return to these important questions on warrantless search. Can we hear a round for our cast?