Mattel Anounces New Barbie and New Ken Doll

(AP) Los Angeles, CA: Mattel announces their new line of Barbie pro-
ducts, the "Hacker Barbie."  These new dolls will be released
next month.  The aim of these dolls is to negate the stereotype
that women are numerophobic, computer-illiterate, and academic-
ally challenged.

This new line of Barbie dolls comes equipped with Barbie's very
own X-terminal and UNIX documentation as well as ORA's "In a
Nutshell" series.  The Barbie clothing includes a dirty button-
up shirt and a pair of well-worn jeans.  Accessories include a
Casio all-purpose watch, and glasses with lenses thick enough
to set ants on fire.  (Pocket protectors and HP calculators
optional.)

The new Barbie has the incredible ability to stare at the
screen without blinking her eyes and to go without eating or
drinking for 16 hours straight.  Her vocabulary mainly consists
of technical terms such as "What's you're Internet address?",
"I like TCP/IP!", "Bummer! Your kernel must have gotten
trashed!", "Can't you grep that file?", and "DEC's Alpha AXP is
awesome!"

"We are very excited about this product," said Ken Olsen,
Marketing Executive, "and we hope that the Hacker Barbie will
offset the damage incurred by the Mathophobic Barbie."  (A year
ago, Mattel released Barbie dolls that said, "Math is hard,"
with a Condescending Companion Ken.)  The Hacker Barbie's Ken
is an incompetent management consultant who frequently asks
Barbie for help.

The leading feminists are equally excited about this new line
of Barbie dolls.  Naomi Falodji says, "I believe that these new
dolls will finally terminate the notion that women are inher-
ently inferior when it comes to mathematics and the sciences.
However, I feel that Ken's hierarchical superiority would
simply reinforce the patriarchy and oppress the masses."

Mattel made no comment.

Parents, however, are worried that they will fall behind the
children technologically when the Hacker Barbie comes out.  "My
daughter Jenny played with the prototype Hacker Barbie for two
days," says Mrs. Mary Carlson of rural Oxford, Mississippi,
"and now she pays my credit card bill online.  Got no idea how
she does it, but she surely does it.  I just don't wanna be
looked upon as some dumb mama."  Mattel will be offering free
training courses for those who purchase the Hacker Barbie.

The future Hacker Barbie will include several variations to
deal with the complex aspects of Barbie.  "Hacker Barbie Goes
to Jail" will teach computer ethics to youngsters, while
"BARB1E R1T'S L1KE B1FF!!!" will serve as an introduction to
expository writing.

New Ken and Barbie pair announced:

Mattel also announced today a new pair of dolls: "Divorced Ken"
and "Divorced Barbie".  "Divorced Ken" comes with nothing - 
you have to buy the "Divorced Barbie" doll to get all of Ken's 
belongings.